When I think Mother’s Day I immediately start to get all sorts of emotional, giddy, grateful, & of course over joyed that Heavenly Father has blessed me with the opportunity to be a “MOM” to one of his children. It is the best & hardest job all at the same time, unbelievably rewarding & mundane, ups, downs, highs, & for sure lows. The list goes on and on right?? I’m sure you all have other adjectives that you could add, that make your own motherhood story personal to you.
Today I would like to share my “Mom” story, and why I am so grateful to be a Mom to my sweet daughter, Jonesy, who reminds me everyday to remember what I have been blessed with, and not to focus on the “what I don’t have.”
In October 2011 I married my best friend, Justin Wall! After one month of marriage, I was admitted into the ICU for an infection that had gone septic. I was 22 years old when the Dr. In the ER wept to my dad and said, “I’ve done everything I know to do, I’m so sorry, she is just too young to die.” Shortly after that, I was surrounded by my loved ones, as Justin gave me a blessing along with my Dad and Grandpa. Almost immediately after the blessing my numbers were starting to go up to where the Dr felt like he could stabilize me. This night was followed by an excruciating week in the ICU, filled with tears, pain, and an extreme beating on my body. I had hit an all time low, never had I felt so depressed and weak in my whole life. As if all of this wasn’t crazy enough, when the Dr finally decided to let me go home, he let me know that when I do decide to have children to expect it to take at least a year, as my body had suffered immensely. I went home with my head held low, physically and emotionally my world had been rocked!
Fast forward a year from then, Justin and I decided to start a family, as the words of the Dr still laid heavy on my mind, “at least a year.” I was so anxious, I had heard so many stories of so many couples with infertility, and in my mind I was already one of them. Well, you know that whole phrase doctors don’t know everything… Well they don’t, me and Justin got pregnant our first month, It was our little miracle. I remember feeling so blessed that my body was capable to hold this angel after all it had been through. I was going to be a MOM! No better feeling in the whole world.
9 months later on June 23rd I tapped Justin in the middle of the night, of course so sweetly, like every girl does when they are in labor and said, “grab the bag we going to hospital!” That morning I became a MOM! I had never felt anything like it, the most instant over whelming love for another human I had ever felt, and in that moment I knew I was going to want to for sure do this again!
Last January me an Justin decided it was time to give Jones a sibling, being so blessed the first time, getting pregnant so quickly, the thought didn’t even cross my mind that it would be an issue…. Well I was wrong. 12 months went by and still no baby. So I decided to go to the dr…. Guess what, big shocker…. Nothing was wrong. It’s just my sweet, stubborn body…. At this point I’m starting to get frustrated, but still trying to remain calm. I mean it is tough to not freak out when Instagram so sweetly reminds me of every girl that is pregnant.
I truly thought I was keeping it together pretty well. Just an occasional tear, when that unwanted visitor came in the middle of the night, and once again took away the little bit of hope that I had. I was ok though. At least that’s what I kept telling myself.
Then last week happened…. I had invited my cousins little girl, Shelbee, over to play with Jones while I did lashes. They played for hours, from dolls, to tag, outside to inside, they had a blast! When it came time for me to take Shelbee home I said, “girls get your shoes on, I’m going to take Shelbs home.” And then this was the cry that came from my soon to be three year olds mouth, “where is my sister???” I swallowed back the tears as this was not the time or place to let it all out, and hurried and helped her put her shoes on, as she was looking at me so sad and confused all I could think was I have failed. My stomach ached so bad the rest of the night I could hardly sleep.
As I told you guys earlier I went to women’s conference last weekend. I went into it a little bitter with my incident that had happened earlier in the week, but when I got there it just felt as though peace had come over me. New light had been shed upon me, and I was feeling a weight lifted from my shoulders. I’m not saying I’m not sad or a little discouraged, I’m saying I get to be be a MOM, to one of the sweetest, most hilarious, and unique child I know, and yes I am severely biased. There are times in our life that are trying for a reason, but I’m TRYING to endure it with the right attitude. I’m sure the lady at Target with 4 kids under the age of five is looking at me thinking oh that looks blissful, she can still use the small cart… While I’m looking at her thinking, gosh I would love jones to have siblings…. While another girls looks and thinks I just want one! We are always going to think the grass is greener on the other side, but just remember there is always another side.
Happy Mother’s Day to all women! It is a day to celebrate amazing women across the world, I was blessed to be given the most amazing mom, who raised me, loved me, and most importantly became my best friend. Remember ladies you are doing the best you can do, and I say if your still able to stand at the end of the day, when all children are sleeping, go down to the kitchen and have a little treat! You deserve it and so much more! You are all amazing in your own special way!